题源:《剑10》 54页小作文题目(双表)
高分范文及解析
信息分组:两个时间点之间有比较关系,同一个时间点上五个国家之间也有比较关系。
咖啡:2004年比1999年销售额高:all of the five countries
香蕉:2004年比1999年销售额高:Switzerland, the UK, and Belgium
2004年比1999年销售额低:the other two countries;然后,写作内容的顺序就根据信息分组来。
Introduction 略
咖啡:
先总写格局/趋势(不带数值)→ In all of the five countries, there was increased sales of coffee in 2004 compared with the year of 1999. 然后,写突出的具体数值→The tremendous growth in the UK is obviously noteworthy, 大家的写作习惯是用定语从句介绍数值,其实可以用状语从句引出数据之间的关系作为语法亮点→ as the 20 million euros in 2004 is roughly 18 times of 1999's sales. The 6 million euros in Switzerland, twice of the 1999 sales, ← 这里是定语引出数据之间的关系 is also notable, and the growth of various degrees in the other countries is far less marked.
*进一步提升点:Selling coffee became a markedly larger business, ←不是简单的描述数据本身,而是描述了数据所体现出来的现实情况,而后面的数据(由状语从句引出)来支撑这个描述→ as the sales saw a surge to 20 million euros in 2004 compared with the year of 1999. Switzerland witnessed the same case, ←不是简单的描述数据本身,而是描述了数据所体现出来的现实情况,而后面的数据(由状语成分引出)来支撑这个描述→ with a two-fold growth (from 3 million to 6 million).
香蕉:
先总写格局/趋势(不带数值)→ Switzerland, the UK, and Belgium witnessed increased sales of bananas, whereas the other two countries saw a decrease. 然后,写突出的具体数值→ The seven-fold increase in Belgium is considerable, although its numerical value is small, and, meanwhile, Switzerland's 32-million-euro-increment was also remarkable. In the other two countries where the sales decreased, the figures dropped by half.
注意全文中句子主语(方框斜体)的多样。
Conclusion 略