今天，希望通过一篇学生习作的精批来让大家理解行文的思路，达到理想的Coherence and Cohesion – How well your thoughts and the pieces of information are connected.
Some people think that the fittest and strongest individuals will win in sports. Some people believe that success in any sport is much related to a good attitude.
Discuss both of the view and give your own opinion.
Many people argue that personal characteristics are an athlete’s physique is very important to achieve a success in the campaign the victory in the sports field. However, personal optimism and emotion 【不要过分细化题意（a good attitude），宽泛些的话后面好接】the mindset may be more important. when players to beat with counterpart.
Players have physical perfection with more muscular which help them to compete with other teams. Sporting professionals must have physical strength, which help them perform well. For example, being muscular enables them They have ability to run faster, flow swim quickly, jump high, and or afford endure the long-time competition tension. 【后面都是赘述且没有应对题目的核心：“赢”】 This leads to swimmers and runners are very thin, in contrast, judo belts are very fat. I was invited to see a rugby game in NZ. Those rugby players have strong muscular on their arms and legs because of playing for a long time. 【举例当然可以，但是例子的内容要应题，还要跟上文吻合，这种应对就是好的CC】 For example, rugby players must be strong so that they would be able to tackle the opponents and steal the ball.
However, 【这个逻辑连接词千万不可缺】being athletic is the rudimentary requirement. emotion and personal 【当意义进展或者细化时，可以用这个逻辑连接词】As a matter of fact, having the right mind also plays a more significant role to in the performance of players. If players have passion on their regular exercises, willing to improve their skills and technical, acquire the strong belief to their success and choose to live in the healthy life. They will have more chances to win prizes in sports. 【接下来解释一下原因，很重要】This is because muscles perform at the mind’s command, and they underperform or malfunction when the mind is not in the proper state.【用“换句话说”的方式细化和拓展内容】 In other words, an athlete who has strong muscles and no passion is more likely to be defeated than to beat the rival player. 【内容技巧，正说反说】 It is therefore highly likely that a sportsperson who is driven by the firm faith can defeat his or her stronger opponent who is sloppy. Tiger Wuzi Woods, as a golf player. His regular exercise starts at 5am in the morning and he never eat junk food or drink juice. Many audience think those issues move him up to the most successful golf player in the history and the famous golf star globally. 【举例当然可以，但是例子的内容要应题，还要跟上文吻合，上一段说过，例子去吻合道理就是好的CC】For example, it may be more important for a marathon runner to have the desire for the medal when his or her muscles are tired and to persevere than to have a pair of strong legs that give up easily as they are dictated by a casual attitude.
Above all Therefore 【总结全文时，也可以用（因果）这个逻辑连接关系】, spirit plays an extraordinary role in the success of players’ career life instead of their physical advantage. It’s very difficult to maximize physical benefits if they are not intent to win for any costs. Newspaper report Chinese football players join club activities with eating and drink too much before the sports and this often leads to the disappointed results.【结尾时不要冗述赘述】it is almost impossible for a sportsperson to win without a robust body. Nevertheless, strong muscles do not guarantee a win, and athleticism is more of a right mind. 【总结的内容应对全文的逻辑思路】
