Terrified of saying the wrong thing to someone who’s mourning a death? Well, there’s nothing wronger than saying nothing. So... 害怕对悼念亲朋好友的人说错话吗?嗯,不说话才是的错误,所以……
Ask questions. “The best one is ‘How are you?’” says Jeff Kane, M.D., author of How to Heal: A Guide for Caregivers. Other good questions (“What was she like?”) encourage the mourner totalk about the person he or she lost. 问候以示关切。“最合适的问题是‘你还好吗?’”医学博士杰夫 · 凯恩说,他是《如何愈合伤口:给安慰者的建议》一书的作者。其他好的提问(如“她是一个什么样的人?”)会鼓励哀悼者说一说他或她失去的人。
Don’t ever utter a platitude. It’s tempting to say things like “He’s gone on to a better place” or “At least she’s no longer suffering.” But your grieving friend hears an unintended subtext: “So you shouldn’t feel so bad, ” says Howard Lunche, a bereavement specialist inBerkeley, California. 切忌陈词滥调。稍不留神我们就会说出“他去了一个更好的地方”或“至少她不再痛苦了”这样的话。而你那沉浸在悲痛之中的朋友却听到了并非故意的潜台词:“所以你不应该这么伤心。”霍华德 · 伦西如是说道。他是来自加州伯克利的丧亲问题专家。
Replace talk with action. Offer to baby-sit so she can get out of the house. Take her on a walk or bike ride. Stop by with food. Clean her house. “But don’t just ask, ‘Is there anything I can do?’” says Lunche. “Sometimes a bereaved person doesn’t know or can’t express what she needs.” 用行动代替语言。主动帮忙照看孩子,这样她就可以离开一段时间。带她去散步或者骑自行车。 带着吃的去她家坐坐。给她打扫打扫屋子。“但是不能只问‘我能帮点忙吗?’”伦西说,“有时候丧失亲人的人不知道或者不能表达她有什么需求。”
Vocabulary
grieve v. 伤心
terrify v. 使害怕
mourn v. 哀悼
author n. 作者
heal v. 治愈
encourage v. 鼓励
mourner n. 哀痛者
talk about 谈论
lose v. 失去
utter v. 说
platitude n. 陈词滥调
tempting a. 诱人的
at least 至少
no longer 不再
unintended a. 非故意的
subtext n. 潜台词
bereavement n. 丧亲, 丧友
specialist n. 专家
Berkeley, California 加州伯克利
replace…with… 用…取代…
offer v. 主动给予, 提供
baby-sit v.(临时) 照看小孩
bike ride 骑自行车
stop by 偶然过访
bereaved a. 丧失亲人的
express v. 表达
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