雅思作文 | 解密雅思考官高分范文

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

有人认为，提升全民健康的办法是增加体育设施数量，但也有人认为这没有什么用处，应该找到其他办法。

讨论双方观点，并给出自己的观点。

解析

本作文的命题模式是：为了解决......问题，的办法是......。对于这类题目，老雅提出的思路是：首先论证题目中提出的办法是有效的（或对哪些人是有效的，在哪种情况下有效），然后讨论这个方法的缺陷（比如没有考虑到哪些情况），最后提出其他方法。

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考官高分范文逐段分析

PART

01

A problem of modern societies is the declining level of health in the general population, with conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend. One possible solution is to provide more sports facilities to encourage a more active lifestyle.

本段是开头段。

先引入讨论的大背景：当今社会的问题之一是健康下降；

然后提出：怎么解决这个问题有各种不同的意见，其中一个方法是提供更多体育设施。

语言方面，范文将背景介绍和问题的提出合成了一句，用with...引导的短语连接，而将题目中提出的解决办法单独成一句。常规写法是：背景单独成一句，而问题和解决办法合成一句，因此，我们可以这样改写开头段：

A problem of modern societies is the decling level of health in the general population. There are conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend, one of which is to provide more sports facilities to encourage a more active lifestyle.

在这里，我们需要学习范文如何提供背景句以及行文如何对题目表述进行改写。题目说“为了提高全民健康，有人提出提供更多体育设施”，那么这个背景自然就是“现在大家的健康水平下降了”。从简单的背景介绍很自然地切入要讨论的话题，即如何解决这个问题。

declining level of health: 下降的健康水平

conflicting views: 相互冲突的观点

tackle this worrying trend: 处理这种令人焦虑的趋势

provide more sports facilities 提供更多体育设施 （题目是：increase the sports facilities)

PART

02

Advocates of this believe that today’s sedentary lifestyle and stressful working conditions mean that physical activity is no longer part of either our work or our leisure time. If there were easy-to-reach local sports centres, we would be more likely to make exercise a regular part of our lives, rather than just collapsing in front of a screen every evening. The variety of sports that could be offered would cater for all ages, levels of fitness and interests: those with painful memories of PE at school might be happier in the swimming pool than on the football pitch. 

本段论证增加体育设施的确可以让人们更多参加锻炼。

本段论证的思路是：

1. 由于生活方式和工作原因，人们不再从事很多体育锻炼

2. 如果增加体育设施，人们更有可能去锻炼，而不是坐在家里

3. 如果增加体育设施，能让所有人都参加锻炼

以上三个要点的关系是：第2点是第1点的结果（因为不锻炼，所以如果有体育设施，人们更可能去锻炼），第3点是对第2点的深化（增加体育设施会让哪些人锻炼）。

具体论证中，大家可以学习本段中是如何将干巴巴的想法具体化的。

“生活方式”具体化为sedentary lifestyle: 久坐的生活方式（这里体现词汇幅度）；

“工作原因”具体化为stressful working conditions 紧张的工作条件；

“如果增加体育设施”具体化为if there were easy-to-reach local sports centers 如果有就近可用的当地体育中心；

“而不是坐在家里”具体化为rather than just collapsing in front of a screen every evening 而不是每天晚上都瘫坐在电视前；

“所有人”具体化为all ages, levels of fitness, and interests 所有年龄，所有健康状况和兴趣；

此外，为了证明增加体育设施会让所有人会参加运动，还举了一个生动的例子：...those with painful memories of PE at school might be happier in the swimming pool than on the football pitch....那些读学校体育课有痛苦记忆的人可能更喜欢在游泳池里而不是在足球场上。这里的举例是针对“兴趣”的，我们也可以针对“年龄”来举例，比如：...those who have been too old to play basketball can have a great time in playing bowling.

PART

03

However, there may be better ways of tackling this problem. Interest in sport is not universal, and additional facilities might simply attract the already fit, not those who most need them. Physical activity could be encouraged relatively cheaply, for example by installing exercise equipment in parks, as my local council has done. This has the added benefit that parents and children often use them together just for fun, which develops a positive attitude to exercise at an early age.

本段论述“增加体育设施”这个建议存在的问题，然后提出其他办法。

本段的论证思路是：

1.先写主题句：还有更好的办法来解决问题（1句）

2.有些人不喜欢运动，增加体育设施和可能只对那些本来身体就好的人有好处（1句）

3.应该在公园安装体育器材，让人们随时锻炼（1句），同时如果父母带孩子去公园边玩边锻炼，还可以培养孩子们对体育的积极态度（1句）。

以上三个要点的关系是：点1是主题句；点2指出之前方法的缺陷（不能吸引所有人去参加运动）；点3提出并简要讨论新方法（在公园安装体育器材好处有两个）

本段的论述也含有很多生活经验的内容，使抽象的写作变得有趣和生动起来。比如，“as my local council has done" (正如我所在地方政府所做的那样）；再比如，"parents and children often use them together just for fun" ( 父母和孩子经常一起使用这些器材，只为开心）

此外，本段每一个相互关联的idea都是用一句来表达的，非常简洁到位。

本段的高分词汇有：

Interest in sport is not universal...比较：Not all people are interested in sport.

...additional facilities... 比较：more facilities

...install exercise equipment...比较：put exercise equipment...

PART

04

As well as physical activity, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food products, tobacco and alcohol, as excessive consumption of any of these contributes to poor health. Even improving public transport would help: it takes longer to walk to the bus stop than to the car.

本段继续提出代替“增加体育设施”的其他办法。

1. 给高脂肪食品加税，让人们减少食用这些食品

2. 提高公共交通

以上两点的关系是并列，即两个不同的建议。每一条建议用一句表达，并给出原因。其中“加税”的原因是“过多食用这些产品导致健康问题”；“提高公共交通”的原因是“去车站走的路比去自己车库走的路要远”。

大家这里可以学习如何给每一条建议提供一个简洁的原因。

本段的高分词汇有：

...high tax penalties could be imposed (比较：put) on high-fat food products...

...excessive consumption of any of these contributes to poor health... 比较：too much consumption of any of these leads to poor health...

PART

05

In my opinion, focusing on sports facilities is too narrow an approach and would not have the desired results. People should be encouraged not only to be more physically active but also to adopt a healthier lifestyle in general.

本段为结尾段。

1.对题目中的问题鲜明表明态度：只增加体育设施是不够的；

2.总结前面提到的新办法：鼓励人们多运动（对应公园设施建议），并采纳更健康的生活方式（对应食品和公交建议）。

大家可以学习本结尾段如何在更高层次上来总结前面提到的具体建议，这样可以避免重复表达。