雅思大作文如何达到理想的分数

希望通过一篇学生习作的精批来让大家理解行文的思路，达到理想的Task Response – How effectively your essay addresses the topic.

2019年6月1日雅思考试真题

Human activities have hurt plants and animals. As a result, some people think that it is too late to take any measures, whereas some other people still believe that we should take effective actions to improve the current situation.

Discuss both of the views and give your opinion.

为什么选用这道题？

发布的《剑桥雅思真题集14》的Test 2中提出了一个类似问题 "loss of particular species of plants and animals in the world".

2019年5月11日的雅思写作考题也是问到了这个世界存在的问题"overpopulation as the cause of the world’s many problems".

感觉BC近期很有意识在考察烤鸭们的“人类意识”和“全球胜任力”嘛！

黑色部分是学生习作，红色部分为教师精批

Many people worried worry that the environment has been destructed by us andit’s it is too later late to be saved. While, However, it this point of view may be too pessimistic and underestimate the time we still have and ways which we can bring solutions we already have to resolute this problem. 

More and more pollution and waste resource released to the natural which leads to the diminishing of some animal and plant species. 【信息的进展太慢，也就是说很长一句话都没有说到题目的立意核心“late”，要加快】Pollution and land degradation as a result of human activities have caused the depletion of some species of plants and animals, and the rest are decreasing in their numbers. 【depletion 和decreasing回应题目中的“late”】The science magazine 【进一步说明减少的快速，以进一步回应题目中的“late”，因为快所以来不及，来不及就是“late”】 Experts conclude that there are 100 the decrease is taking place at an annual rate of hundreds of speciesdisappear every day due to the human activities. In addition, the environment was broken so quickly which has scared many people. However, it is unfair to jump to the pessimistic conclusion that those species are doomed. there are no innovate approaches to resolve this issue in the current period. The consequence is many people afraid whether we have enough time to reverse the trend. Therefore, newspaper often reported the environment would be collapsed in next few decades if we wouldn’t change our behavior. 【其实，可以不要进一步探讨了，而是快速进入自己的主题，加快信息节奏】

As a matter of fact, humans should uphold their optimism because we still havetime and have already developed methods to protect those forms of life. As the old saying goes, it is better late than never. Since we are already aware of the gravity of the loss, it is never too late as long as we can save some species. In fact, time allows us to save as many as possible because many species are yet far fromextinction. the environment. Many animals and plants are threaten by people’s activities, but the reverse trend is beginning as the society are more concern to protect them. Meanwhile, fortunately, humans are knowledge-enabled. For example, people possess knowledge to choose suitable areas as sanctuaries for animals’ survival and reproduction. In addition, the knowledge of chemistry and biology allows us to alter the soil to breed endangered plants. Since we are enabled, we should. 【这句话，把内容从can引向should】

To sum up, although human activities impose pose a threat to the environment other creatures and have caused damage. and the diversity of animals and plants have been suffer for this. However, it is not the time we gave up. people still have sufficient time and intelligent to meet this challenge. 【结尾段落的内容的简化，是为了不让信息重复造成繁冗的感觉】